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» ngocphi12 - How should I handle this? This is killing me......

I have been with my bf for almost 4 yrs. Recently he ran into a girl who was dating his best friend 4 yrs ago. I met her a couple of times but somehow I don't like her and I told my bf that. Then two weeks ago, I needed something from his email so I went in and saw that he sent a card to her because she was sick which he never did for me. I confronted him and asked him if he was talking to her everyday and he said no. Somehow I have a gut feeling that something is not right so I asked my friend to look into his phone record and found out he was talking to this girl a least 1/day since august. There are days that they talked 5 times and they talked to each other at 2 or 3 oclock in the morning every other day.
After my discovery, i asked him "do you talk to her everyday" he still said no. I told him I found out then he said he talked to her that much because there was a problem with her car. He sold her that car. Her ex-bf was stalking her and she felt scared when she gets off late so she called him that late. We got into a big fight I asked him to stop talking her or I am going to leave. He said he won't talk to her anymore but he didn't think there is any wrong about talking to her that late. I have nothing to worry about and that he loves me. She is just friend. He cares about her but not the way i think he does. But since it bothers me that much he won't do it anymore.
The next day, he told me that she called him and he told her about the whole situation and she said she didn't understand why I got upset and wanted to talk to me. She called me and I asked her what is going on between them? She told there is nothing going between them. She called him because she got problems with her car, her house, her life, her new job, properties, legal, her ex-bf...and my bf seems very knowledgeable so she felt comfortable talking to him. I told her I don't mind her asking my bf advise but not that frequently and that late at night. She said sometimes when my bf went out, he ran into her and called her to make sure she got home safe. She also said that my bf told her that we were having problems and he was crying to her. I asked her to stop call my bf. She said "okay and I should not worry because she wouldn't anything to break up". Somehow I don't believe what they told me and kept having these weird feelings and have been losing sleep and appetite. I asked my bf why you like to talk to her so much. He replied " I enjoy helping her out, she just got a new job and she didn't how to handle some of the stuff. I feel good helping people cuz it makes me feel important and like a superman".
A week later, I decided to test him so I called my friend to call his store and pretend to be that girl and leave a number for him to call back. When my friend called, the receptionist immediately knew who she was and didn't even ask for the number or anything. He did called back, three times. I went to his store and broke up with him and he was still making excuses that he didn't see the name and just dial the number. He told me to get out of there. I did. It has been 5 days. I was in so much pain and asking my self why did this person do this to me. I know for a fact that he is still talking to that girl.
Today I got an email from him telling that he will do whatever it takes to be back with him. He can't live without me and he didn't purposely hurt like that, etc....I don't know what he is trying to do. He made his decision to continue the relationship with that girl why even bother getting back with me? He called my friends crying and asking them how to get me back. I don't know how I feel anymore. I was so hurt. I haven't replied to him yet and i don't think i would because I still have all the anger in me and how he had disrespected. Everyone is telling me that he doesn't deserve me and i shouldn't take him back. Please help me. How should I deal with this? Thanks

-- posted by ngocphi12

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» Cherie Burbach - How should I handle this? This is killing me......

In response to How should I handle this? This is killing me...... posted by ngocphi12:

It sounds like your boyfriend has been doing a lot of crying. First, to his female friend (supposedly about the two of you) and then to you about how he screwed up. He did screw up - let me tell you why.

I get asked continually why I take such a hard stand on emotional affairs, and this is a perfect example. When you stand on the edge, you are going to fall off. It was fine for your boyfriend to have a female pal, but he failed to tell you about it. When you confronted him after you found out, he lied again. To make matters worse, this "friend" knew things about your relationship that should have stayed between the two of you.

You are absolutely right in saying it was wrong to talk to this girl at 2 and 3 in the morning. That's what being on the edge of appropriate behavior is. Did he have a true, blue "affair" with this girl? Define affair. Does it involved lying and sneaking around? Then yes. Does it matter at this point if they were intimate? Nope.

Either this guy's into head games, or he really doesn't know what he wants. So who needs that? No you, sister! You were smart to dump this schmuck. You need to find someone that will be honest with you from the start, and when you ask him a direct question, actually give you a direct answer. You need someone to treat you well, which this guy certainly was not doing.

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