Dating

» wisc85 - Post-Break-Up Murkiness

I am, admittedly, an inexperienced dater with only one long-term relationship to speak of. I recently moved to a new place, and met a great guy the first week that I was in town (he works at the same place that I do). We hung out most of the first week I was in town, and went to a movie the next week...and got on wonderfully. Unlike my last relationship, I felt that he was the one falling head-over-heels for me, and that I was gradually catching up to him (I was a little hesitant...it'd only been six months since my first relationship had ended, and I'd been burned pretty badly...). But for two months it was great, he was very sweet (surprised me with flowers "just because"), very complimentary, and very open to including me in his future as far as I would let him. Early on, he made a point to tell me that he would never hurt me, never make me cry (when I expressed my reservations due to relationship #1). I quickly felt myself opening up, allowing my guard to fall.

However, just when I had started to fall, he started to keep me at arms length. We spent a Saturday doing different things (I went to a baseball game with a family member, his out-of-town friend was in town). On Sunday, he told me that that friend had offered him a job in his town (about 9 hours away). After that, things changed. When I finally brought it up, he said that he was trying to slow down, and didn't want to get to close if he might move away. He didn't want to break-up, but needed some space. I completely understood, but realized (after about a week of the space-giving) that I was quickly making myself insane, and saw that this relationship was headed in the same direction as the first. So we talked, and I told him that I - unfortunately - couldn't do this right now. My heart couldn't get shattered again, so I walked to keep it intact. It was the hardest break-up of my (very inexperienced) life, because we were both light-hearted and understanding about it, even though it needed to happen.

Now two weeks later, I have so few answers as to what changed. The idealistic part of me thinks that this is something that would be possible to revisit at a better time, but the realistic part of me says that if it was meant to be we could have (would have) worked through all this. I guess I just don't know where I should go from here. Since I initiated the break-up, is the ball in my court to ever revisit this? Or since he wanted the space, would that be his call to make? OR, since it was only a couple of months (albeit great ones), should I just be glad that we were both able to gracefully exit a relationship that wasn't going to work, and chalk it up to experience? (Sorry...this got a little long.)

-- posted by wisc85