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» sarah55545 - re: ex boyfriend :(

Sorry this might be long...

My ex and I broke up a little over a year ago. Actually, we were on "break" from about June 2006 until we officially broke up in January of 2007. Were both 23 and went through university together, and dated for 3 years.
Our relationship was great except for the odd fight/disagreement, and when he told me he wanted a break I was pretty shocked to say the least. He was pretty adament about us staying friends, and me thinking I could do it agreed.....and he wanted to be "BEST" friends.

Well, throughout our "friendship" he told me he was unsure if he made the right decision in breaking up with me. Apparently he wasn't sure if we were the best fit, and that we got so serious at such a young age. Also, he said there were some qualities i had which he didn't know if he wanted to deal with. Well...we've hung out persistently and called one another at least every other day. We make an effort to spend time with one another.

I'm still completely in love with him, and I think he still loves me because since we've broken up he hasn't been with another girl, or hooked up with anybody. When we hang out hes still affectionate (not overly).....latley though things have been so different.

He told me the things hes been doubting on me, I've been changing and I'm becoming a different person. We went to see a baseball game this past weekend and we were drunk and he held my hand the whole time, and said i'd "always be his girl". But we totally avoid the subject normally and just try and hang out...

I don't know what to do b/c were still so attracted to one another, and some things he does just make it seem like he still loves me...Sometimes he keeps his distance, but for the most part he definitely cares about me. This is so difficult and I don't want to push him in a relationship with me again and we've been through so much together that I also don't want to lose him as a friend either......but at the same time, I'm scared I'll be stuck being in love with him and nothing good will come of it for me.

I know most people will tell me to cut contact with him, but the things we've been trhough together and the way we broke up were just on such good terms. I know this all sounds weird, but sometimes I'm torn. I'm also in a situation where I feel bitter at times and think he doesn't deserve to be with me and I am OK without being with him.....but other days, he's always there for me and its hard to picture me without him.

Sometimes I feel like he's keeping me around either a) just in case he doesnt find anybody better.....or b) because he just wants to have fun with his friends, etc for now and then ask me to come back later. and both of those options hurt.
if it were under any normal cirumstance, i wouldnt bother...but this guy is something and he would never hurt me on purpose.

:(

-- posted by sarah55545

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» Cherie Burbach - re: ex boyfriend :(

In response to re: ex boyfriend posted by sarah55545:
Did you ever hear about those guys who only use girls for sex? Well there's also the flip side, the ones that only hang out with the girl when they feel like having the relationship "stuff" (like hand holding, long talks, going to events, etc.) It sounds very much like your guy hangs out with you because he likes your company. But he doesn't want you for the WHOLE relationship and uses these "qualities" you have (that he says he doesn't like) as an excuse not to have to deal with a whole relationship. I suspect if he met someone else, he'd dump you as his friend, too.

What are YOU getting out of this arrangement? You say you're still in love with them, so he gets the attention of having someone around that adores him while in the meantime YOU don't bother to look for anyone else since you're always with him. He has you whenever he snaps his fingers, but when things get a little too close - he brings up this issue of your "qualities" and says he's unsure if you're "the one."

The harsh reality is, he KNOWS you're not the one for him, that's why you're not his girlfriend.

Maybe he doesn't like being alone. Maybe he just likes knowing that he gets your attention. Whatever his reasons for stringing you along like this all have to do with his benefit, not yours.
So what's a great girl like you wasting time with a guy like this?

Now, don't remind me about your "qualities," because hey - we ALL have them! When someone loves us they love the whole package - irritating qualities and all. It doesn't mean they think we're perfect, it means we're perfect FOR THEM.

Do yourself a favor and move on to a guy that adores you. It's that simple. The longer you spend your time, energy, and emotions on this guy - the longer it will take you to find someone great for you. And there IS someone great for you out there.

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