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» karrenh1 - Do ex's come back?

I broke up with my ex-boyfriend 4 months ago and it was the worst mistake of my life. He refuses to talk to me. I know he is still really hurt. Everyone I know says that since he knows that I am sorry, still love him, etc. That eventually he will talk to me and try to come back to me. Is this true? Do ex's usually come back?

-- posted by karrenh1

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» Cherie Burbach - Do ex's come back?

In response to Do ex's come back? posted by karrenh1:

That depends. You mention that you broke up your ex, so my first question to you would be why. The reasons you broke up must have been valid, so try to think of those before you try to get your ex back.

Having said that, I have broken up with people and then regretted it later, also. Sometimes life is confusing and we break up thinking it's for the best when it really isn't. Perhaps that was the case with you. But when I gave myself some space to really see the relationship for what it was, I realized breaking up WAS the right thing to do. I just hated to admit it because I still cared for my ex.

Sometimes people do get back together after a break up. But it all depends on why you broke up in the first place, and what has changed in the relationship that will now improve things. Something always has to change in order for it work again, whether it's a person or a situation.

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» karrenh1 - Do ex's come back?

In response to Do ex's come back? posted by CherieBurbach:

I broke up with him because we went from having a long distance relationship where we would see each other about twice to three times a month, to him getting a job 2hrs away and wanting to move in. I was with him for a year and before that I was in a really bad, abusive relationship for 9 years. I got scared, my ex was bothering me, and I was just really confused. I knew I loved my boyfriend and told him that I needed some time and space. It got to a point where we were only talking through e-mails and saying hurtful things. He wanted us to be together and I told him that I couldn't do that right away, I needed to clear my head and if he couldn't wait, to find someone else. Well, I guess he did. He was my world, my best friend, and for four months now he hasn't spoken to me or returned my e-mails. About 3 weeks ago he told me he accepted the end of our relationship and moved on and would return my keys (2nd time he said he'd return them..last time was 4 months ago). I still haven't gotten the keys. I have been hoping that he was keeping them so there was some kind of connection...like he would come back one day. But I just don't know. :-(( Any advice would help alot.

-- posted by karrenh1

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» karrenh1 - Do ex's come back?

In response to Do ex's come back? posted by karrenh1:

oops..almost forgot. When he told me he moved on...it was in a 2 lined e-mail 3 weeks ago (same time he told me he'd mail the keys back). One of his best friends told me that he still has feelings for me, but he doesn't really talk to him since he moved. I am just at a loss. I was so confused and scared and needed some time. I truly feel that he is the right man for me. We have so much in common and really did love each other. I am afraid that I hurt him so much that he may never talk to me.

-- posted by karrenh1

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» Cherie Burbach - Do ex's come back?

In response to Do ex's come back? posted by karrenh1:

It sounds like you two have had a challenging situation from the beginning, first with trying to keep up a long-distance relationship and then with his moving. I completely understand your needing time to think, especially with your previous relationship.

I know your ex's friend tells you he still has feelings for you, but for right now you have to go by what your ex tells you directly. Moving on is hard, so if he has found someone new you should give him the space he needs to develop his new relationship. Anything else will only hold your ex, his new partner, and you in a holding pattern: not moving forward and not happy in the present.

If he is trying to move on and be happy, you should be happy for him. I know you said he is the man for you, but you have to recognize that even when your relationship was at its peak, you were still in a long-distance partnership, which isn't ideal for the long-term. Give both you and your ex some space. Don't pressure him to talk to you and start up a friendship. Doing so will allow him to take a step back and see your situation more clearly.

While you are giving him space, make peace with your relationship for whatever it was, and try to move on and date others on a casual basis. Doing this may even make you see that your relationship with your ex wasn't the right one for you. If it's meant to work out, it will. But right now the ball is in his court, and you have to respect that.

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