Dating

» blkstar23 - What do I do?

To start off with a little backstory. About 4 weeks before my wedding to my now husband, I found a bra on the floor of the closet w/ water balloons inside. Obviously knowing it wasn't mine, I confronted my then finance. He stated he liked to sometimes wear womens lingerie. Of course I was shocked. I mean I'm a very open person, I don't hide things, and I am also very accepting. Of course I was hurt and a little upset at the fact that he was hiding it from me, and I had to find out the way I did, and that he didn't feel he could tell me. But I accepted it and we moved forward, I love him after all. Now fast forward about 2 years. We have been married for two years, and this time, as I'm picking up laundry and getting it sorted, I come across womens shoes, and clothes as well as a wig and makeup in his closet. Of course I get upset, because the first time I found stuff, he never stated that he liked to wear anything more than lingerie. I sort of freaked out, 1 because at first he lied to me, said that it was just a one time thing, then later probably weeks later admitted he liked doing it. Obviously I was crushed again my husband was hiding things from me. I have accepted this part of him though, and I've just sort of gone witht he flow. The possiblity it of seeing him all dressed up like this has come up, and hoenstly I don't know if I could do that, I feel like it's not my thing, and I've let him wear lingerie while we've slept together, and what not, but seeing him fully as a "women" I don't think I could handle. I'm one of those girls that always wanted the manly man to take care of her, the big strong, handy guy, which my husband is, and I think that I'm petrified of how I will feel about him if I see him fully dressed. Although I can't stop obsessing about it, I constantly wonder about when he does dress, I hate leaving home because I know that's what's he's doing, or is going to do, and I worry about when we have kids what will happen then. He doesn't fully dress when I am home, and I don't know what he does when he's fully dressed, he's rather secretive, which I hate, but the more I push and ask questions the more defensive he seems to get. I keep thinking about letting him fully dress in front of me, but I'm afraid of what I will think about it. I just want my husband, I want the man I married to just be a man and not dress like a women, I just want to understand is all, but yet what he's told me about it doesn't help me any, it just seems to make me more confused. I feel like it's driven a rift between us, somedays it's a big rift, some days it's not a rift. I start to wonder if the big rift days are the days he's has dressed. It's just gotten to the point where I don't know where to go from here, does anyone have any advice?

-- posted by blkstar23