Dating

» Ignius - confused

Thank you for the response. You've shown me a point of view that I haven't seen yet. I'm actually already in the process of getting counseling but I'm on a waiting list for another week or two. I never really looked at it that I was pushing people away. I was in a very unhealthy relationship from 18-22 during which I really closed myself away. Up until this recent break up I've never been able to really open up and share my feelings. I've dealt with a lot of depression and low self esteem issues but I was always able to hide it before. After the break up though the depression magnified to levels I couldn't control anymore and I knew the only way anyone could help me was if I opened up and talked and I haven't looked back since. Sorry if this was a little off track but it leads back to the break up.
During the whole relationship she really was the one that put in most of the effort. You were right my only real effort came when it was too late. At the same time I was never really aware of messed up I was and how wrong my actions were. I basically didn't acknowledge most of my faults and just kind of expected everything to work out. It's messed up that I had to lose someone so important to me to finally see what was wrong with me and to take the initiative to fix it. So my question is, do you think it is pointless for me to try to get her back in the future? Of course this all depends on what happens with my application. Also I want to write her a letter to thank her for setting me on the right path and to let her know about my problems. She really was the catalyst that helped me break out of my destructive cycle. I also know that she never really saw many of these issues because I hid them so well so in a way I want her know I wasn't wasting her time or trying to push her away on purpose. Do you think that's an alright idea? Should I wait a while before I do that?

-- posted by Ignius