Dating

» Ignius - confused

Well I was in a long distance relationship for over 3 years and it ended just about 3 months ago. I'm 29 yrs old and she's 21. I live in Illinois and she's from Toronto, about a 9 hour drive apart. She's the one that ended the relationship. I'm basically still confused on whether or not to give up on her. So I'll give a little run down of my story, sorry if turns out a bit long!

We initially met over the internet on a game we both played. Soon we were talking on the phone and decided to start dating and to meet each other. We basically would see each other for a couple weeks at a time every couple months, including one time when she came for about 5 weeks during her summer break. It got pretty serious after a while and we started to talk about living together and marriage and everything. She has cystic fibrosis so we decided it would be best for me to move Canada because of their health care which would make it much easier on us financially.

Everything started to go bad from the start of last year. I got arrested for a DUI in early february. I got all depressed thinking I wouldn't be able to go to Canada because they're real strict on that. I broke up with her with the thinking that I didn't want to hold her back and she took it real hard. We were back together in a couple days and decided to work through it. Within the next couple months I could tell she wasn't very happy with the situation. She ended up breaking up with me a couple weeks before my last court date but once again we got back together right away. My case was dismissed and I got my license back in may. So right after that I decided to go up to see her to mend the relationship some. This was my 3rd time going. When I got to the border they ended up sending me to the immigration office and they did a background check on me and I was refused entry because of some things I had on my record from a long time ago.

So now I couldn't go to Canada but she still supported me. I began to work on my application to get permission to go there. She came to see me a couple more times, the last time being at the beginning of august. It wasn't till september that I actually sent out the application. She was growing more unhappy with the whole situation during this time. She wanted me to come there for christmas. They sent me back the application in october because it was really half assed and missing stuff. She was really upset with this and complained alot over the next month till she finally broke up with me a few days before thanksgiving. Her main complaints were that she was feeling really lonely and that neither of our physical or emotional needs were being met.

I reacted very emotionless the the first couple days. Just letting it go cause it was what she wanted and I just wanted her to be happy. Then I realized how much she really meant to me and started to do everything I could to try to make her see I understood the mistakes I had made and to give me another chance but it was too late. We continued to talk till the beginning of January. It was pretty much me pouring my heart out and her listening but I was making no progress. On new years eve while we were talking she finally made a reference that she was seeing someone else. Ofcourse i had to ask questions and she told me she slept with him a few weeks before. I thought this would make me stop pursuing her but it didn't. Then in the beginning of January out of frustration I attacked her a little and she ended up telling me off more than ever before.

Since then I've been trying to let it go but I haven't been able to. My application for Canada is currently pending, it was one of the first things I completed after we broke up. I feel like I wasn't able to defend myself because of the barrier between us and that I need to prove myself. We don't even talk anymore but I keep thinking about seeing her again. After the break up I did alot of searching within myself and was finally able to admit to my problems and face them instead of running like I always did in the past. It has truly been a life changing experience and a part of me wants to show her that. I just wonder if I'm missing something? I am just being delusional thinking I could actually get her back? My mind tells me to forget it but my heart tells me to pursue it. I've been so confused I don't know what to do anymore.

-- posted by Ignius