Dating

» Cherie Burbach - Exclusive relationship, but not his girlfriend?

In response to Exclusive relationship, but not his girlfriend? posted by luaume:
Anyone who starts off a relationship by saying that they "don't want to be someone's boyfriend" is telling you who they are and what their problem is right from the get-go. This phrase was his "get out of relationship free card" when he just plain didn't want to deal with things. Keep in mind that he was willing to do everything else (sex, quality time) so this tells me he's immature and doesn't care about anyone but himself.

He's using this as an excuse because he doesn't want the bother of a "real" relationship (one that comes with not only spending time together but communicating about things that might be happening.) He IS trying to keep you at arms length, not because he's "afraid" but because he cares only about himself right now. This might be a phase, or it might be his true personality.

You are reacting to this as any woman would: you want to work it out and SHOW HIM that you will care about him unlike any other. However, this is a classic case of him playing games with you. He might not even know it, but it's obvious he's got a problem with true human relationships. Hey, even people who are just friends need to talk about things from time to time, and if they refuse, it usually means they don't care about the other person.

You said, "I thought addressing the problem would help solve it, not cause a break-up." DO NOT feel bad about bringing up this issue with him! You had to, and as the mature one in this relationship it was the only reasonable thing to do.

You mention that he wanted to leave the relationship, and yet he is still seeing you frequently. To me this is classic game playing behavior. He may not be the type of guy who is smart enough to KNOW this is what he's doing... but he is doing it nonetheless.

Don't fall into the trap of trying to show him how different you are, how caring, etc.... so that he will "overcome his fears" and commit to you. He won't. And it has nothing to do with you. You're wasting your time on this guy and the games he's playing emotionally with you are meant to make you feel you should "want him back" and "work harder".

I know it's hard when you're with someone you like and it seems like things are going well and then he just suddenly bolts. And comes back. And bolts. These types of guys keep women jumping and somewhere deep down, he's amusing himself by the fact that you keep trying. Leave him and find someone worthy of your good nature.