Dating

» Cherie Burbach - re: Help, does my ex want me back???

You broke up with him and still remained close friends. So he never had to deal with being without you, and you never had to deal with the fact that he might not be right.

Trust me, remaining friends immediately after a break up is confusing for all parties involved. It clouds your vision of the situation. I'm not saying people can't be friends after a relationship, but they need to let it happen naturally after both people have had time to move on. (More on that here: http://dating-advice.suite101.com/articl...

But you guys never moved on, so you're both in limbo.

Being in limbo means he can walk away from the "harder" parts of being in a relationship (talking about issues, dealing with things you don't love 100% about a person) and instead just have you for company, comfort, and companionship when it suits him.

No, I don't think someone that spends a lot of time with an ex is easily able to meet someone new. I think you put yourself in a holding pattern of having feelings for your ex while at the same time going over your relationship in your mind. That doesn't leave a lot of room for someone new to come along. You may think new people can't read that about you (or him) but they can.

The point is, you're doing a lot of defending of this guy when in fact he's left you confused and still not in the relationship you want. And yes, when you love someone you do take them issues and all. You might not love every single thing about them, but you don't tell them you love them BUT.... this, that, or the other thing. That's something you do when you don't really love someone and you don't exactly know why.

It doesn't matter that you had issues you were going through and that's when you broke up. You seem to think it's all your fault, and it's NEVER all one person's fault.

As far as him "hinting" about getting with you... that certainly isn't an indication that if you two hooked up it would be any different than it was before. That's what people do that hang around their recent ex who they know still has feelings for them. It's an ego builder. Besides all that, he told you in the card that he was "a friend."

The best thing you could do is simply take some time away from the relationship. Seperate yourself enough where you can look at it logically and not feel the need to immediately defend him or over analyze the situation to try and get a read on his feelings.

If you'd told me that both of you had moved on and dated other people and now you've come back a good time later and are having this situation, it would be very different. But the way it stands, my advice is to take a break from this guy. Hang out with people that have nothing to do with him. Don't be his consolation prize when he has nothing better to do on a weekend. Even a guy that values his space still likes to have someone "around" when he feels like it. Right now, you are that person.

If you can't stand the thought of taking a break, at least realize that you need to make a decision about him either way. Commit to try again or not. If you want to try again, tell him. If he balks or starts up with your "issues" again, dump him and MOVE ON. Don't be pals. Don't be his prize when he's bored. Accept that you're not going to be friends with him right now because it's too hard. You don't need the emotional turmoil. If you really want a fresh start, ask him if he feels the same way. Otherwise tell him that this push & pull situation is too difficult, and wish him the best. Then move on to a new and healthy situation.