An emotional affair is ripping her relationship apart. What should she do?
This week we're answering common reader mail questions.
Dear Dating@Suite101:
We started dating about four months ago, but all of a sudden things seemed different. He wouldn't call me when he was supposed to, and his emails were really short and to the point (where they had been very sweet before). When I asked him about it, he said I was just paranoid. But the next time I was at his house I went through his emails and found him writing to this girl I'd never even heard of. He even wrote about something personal we had talked about. When I asked him about it he said they were just friends. I told him I didn't like this but he got mad at me at ME for going through his emails.
It sounds like your boyfriend could be having an emotional affair. I've written more about this subject here, but first, let’s talk about your dilemma.
You did the right thing in bringing up your concern to your boyfriend. While this woman may be his friend, talking about personal information is completely over the line. Relationships need to be a safe place emotionally and physically.
However, going through his emails was wrong. Apologize for doing this. Tell him you were concerned and when he became defensive and wouldn't talk, you felt this was the only thing you could do. However, you know now this was wrong and you won't do it again.
Tell him you are concerned about your relationship, and specifically, the friendship he has with this other woman. Make it clear to him that reiterating personal information to someone else is a violation of trust, and if you two are to continue this behavior will have to stop.
