This reader has a female friendship and his mate is concerned. What is considered appropriate and what is inappropriate?
Dear Dating@Suite101:
I have a friend that has been my best pal for years. We are just friends, but my girlfriend has a real problem with it. This girl and I used to date, but it was a long time ago. The way I look at it, I've been dating my girlfriend for five months, but I've been friends with my pal for eight years. We've always been there for each other, and we always will. I'm about ready to tell my girlfriend that any girl who can't get along with my friend is not going to be my girlfriend for long. What do you think?
I think the answer lies in your own statement: “any girl who can't get along with my friend is not going to be my girlfriend for long.” You obviously put your friend above your girlfriend. And she knows it.
I notice that your girlfriend didn’t ask that you give up the friendship. She just says she feels uncomfortable with it. So take a look at your actions. DO you act differently with your friend than with other friends? Sure you dated once, but that shouldn’t change the way you act NOW. Do you flirt? Tell old stories that your girlfriend can’t chime in on? Do you touch when you talk? Picture you doing these same types of behaviors with a guy friend. Would you even consider it? Probably not.
The one thing you don’t mention is how your friend treats your girlfriend. Is there some hostility with your friend that you choose to ignore? Sometimes ex’s stay around simply because they don’t want to be replaced. They don’t want you, but don’t want anyone else to have you either. They secretly sabotage your relationships. You, in turn, let them do just that.
