Smart and confident college girl wonders if it's okay to ask out a guy on campus.
READER MAIL:
I am a very confident, smart, and witty college girl. As I walk around my college campus I happen to pass this cute college guy all the time. No matter where I seem to go I happen to be in the same place as he is (which is quite rare on a campus with over 50,000 college students).
It is often said that it is not right for girls to approach guys to initiate conversation because men thrive on the chase after a woman. Would it be wrong for me to approach this guy and introduce myself? Would my forwardness deprive him of his male instincts and therefore make him uninterested from the get-go?
Also
what would be an acceptable "pick-up line" to approach him if thats is an okay move for me to do? My own opinion would be for me to simply just approach him and say "I see you around campus all the time and I thought that I would introduce myself. Maybe we should bump into each other on purpose sometime heres my phone number." Please let me know what you think on this topic.
Sincerely,
Confident College Girl
RESPONSE:
Dear Confident College Girl:
Thanks for writing. A lot of women write me about this question, so you're not alone. In today's society women get mixed messages about being confident and taking the direction of her life in her own hands. One thought is that women should go for it, if she likes a guy why not do the asking? Another thought is that she'll turn him off by being too forward.
But here is the reality: if you're interested, you SHOULD make it clear to him and ask him out. It's true, guys ask girls out most of the time. However, many guys are either shy and find it hard to make the first move or simply think a girl might be out of their league so they don't bother. People are flattered to get asked out, so even if he's seeing someone he'll probably be grateful you took an interest.
Before you ask him, though, try and gage his interest a bit. You mention that you keep bumping into him, but you don't say whether the two of you exchange smiles and if there seems to be chemistry or not. So try and get an idea if this guy might have an interest before you ask.
As far as what to say, I would avoid the "I see you around campus" line, simply because it's not absolutely clear. People are dense sometimes, and simply insecure at others. I mean, how many times have you wondered if a guy really asked you out or just said something to be nice?
Also, by giving him your phone number without having definite plans, you're still leaving yourself up to him asking you out. It may confuse him, or he may wait so long to do it that you'll lose interest.
Instead, I would ask him out for something very low key and safe. Meet him somewhere so you both can get to know each other. Then if you still like him, go ahead and give him your phone number. How about:
"I see we keep bumping into each other around campus. How about grabbing a coffee after class at the bookstore? Want to meet me at say, 3:00?"
