The ins and outs of the coffee date. Learning all about them will help you master your dating life.
With the advent of online dating, the term “coffee date” has exploded into the dating lexicon. If you’ve ever wondered a thing or two about what constitutes a coffee date, how to plan one, or even… what my best “horror stories” are about them… read on.
What exactly is a coffee date?
- It’s generally a first meeting between two Internet daters who have exchanged emails.
Does the coffee date have to involve coffee?
- Absolutely not! Since I’m not a coffee drinker myself, in fact, mine almost always included tea. And maybe beer. Depending….
Where is the best place to meet for a coffee date?
- It’s my opinion that coffee places (Starbucks, etc.) are the best place to initially meet someone. They’re all over town and people are constantly coming and going. You grab a cup of joe and relax while you wait for your date. However, any public place that is easily accessible can work for a coffee date. An after work drink at a bar is an acceptable alternative, although you might not be able to talk if there is loud music (or drunk people shouting around you).
Isn’t it easier just to have him pick me up?
- No! Never! Not! Not for an initial meeting! Arrive separately. Don’t even tell someone where you live or what your phone number is until you get to know them.
If it’s a date, shouldn’t I at least buy her dinner?
- No! Never! Not! The beauty of the coffee date is that it’s inexpensive. Buy yourself a cup of coffee. If you want to buy your date one, too, you can – but you’re not obligated. Remember that the coffee date is just a meeting and not an actual date.
Where should we go after the coffee date?
- Home. Alone. Even if your coffee date was grand, go home after one hour and reflect on it. Allow yourself this time to decide if you want to meet this person again.
An hour? Shouldn’t a coffee date be longer than that?
- No. In an hour you’ve given it your best to make conversation and see if you want a real date with this person. And that’s the whole purpose behind coffee dates! It isn’t to see if your date is “the one” or if you even want to get involved for the long term. You just want to get a vibe and see if you two could hang out together on a real date. That’s it.
What happens after an hour?
- You leave. You put your hand out, tell them how nice it was to meet them, say you enjoyed the time (if you did), say you’ll contact them to set up a real date (if you really intend to do so) and be on your way.
Isn’t it rude to leave after only an hour?
- No. After all, you’ve both stated that you’re meeting for coffee. Just. The expectation has been set that you’ll be on your way after sixty minutes.
What if I want to stay longer? What if I want to follow my date home?
- Then you’re a stalker. True love can wait for a real date.
Won’t my date think I’m blowing them off if I leave after an hour?
- Not if you follow through and contact them for a real date.
What if we just didn’t click initially? Shouldn’t I give it another shot?
- When two people hit it off, it’s usually very obvious after an hour. If not, then spending more time together won’t force them to click. I mean, really… do you want to spend your time with people you don’t click with?
I suggested a coffee place to meet, but my date insists on me meeting them at a bar by their house.
- Don’t ever let someone you haven’t even met yet insist you do anything. This is a sure sign of someone who is controlling, or out after only one thing. Generally, it’s the females that choose the place, because we gals seem to have more to worry about when meeting a stranger. So if a guy insists on your meeting him somewhere you don’t feel good about – don’t. Don’t meet him, don’t correspond with him any longer, and don’t feel bad about doing so. The great guys out there want to meet great girls, and they aren’t going to split hairs if a girl chooses the coffee shop to meet. Most guys will prefer it and respect the girl’s wishes.
Why should I listen to you?
- Well, hey, I did the whole coffee date thing. Lots of them in fact. I met over 60 guys for coffee and conversation, and I have to say it was a heck of a lot of fun. And I ended up meeting my husband. Bonus! It worked for me, and it will for you, too.
You promised us horror stories!
- I did, didn’t I? Since this post is rather long, let’s leave that for a follow up. I’d welcome hearing about all of yours (as well as your good stories), as well! Email me and share!
