The best ways to help your friends through their romance ups and downs.
Whether you’re happily married or contently single, chances are you’ve got a single friend or two who occasionally cries on your shoulder about a failed relationship. While you want to be sympathetic, there might be an instance when you just can’t relate, and instead of giving them good advice you may just be adding to their pain. Instead, follow these top “do’s” and “don’ts” to help your pal deal with their romance woes.
Issue:
Your friend thinks they want to break up with their partner, but they aren’t sure yet.
- Do: Listen. Sometimes what your friend needs is just someone to tell his or her story to. They don’t necessarily want your perspective or advice, but just to state their feelings out loud. Deep down they know what to do; they just need to come to peace with their decision.
- Don’t: Say anything too negative about their partner. Doing so will only cause your friend to defend them, thereby clouding their perspective on the situation. Not only that, but if your friend decides to give their relationship another go, you will be the one they’ll end up angry with.
Issue:
Your friend complains that there are “no good women” or “no nice guys” to date.
- Do: Encourage them. Tell them just because they haven’t met the right person yet, it doesn’t mean there isn’t someone out there for them. Acknowledge your friend’s feelings of loneliness and tell them you can’t imagine how they truly feel, but you know they are a great person and it’s only a matter of time until they find the relationship suited for them.
- Don’t: Tell them “you don’t need a man” or “a woman won’t make you happy.” They know that already. Just because they want a relationship with someone special doesn’t mean they think their life will be full of bliss and honey twenty-four hours a day. Wanting a relationship doesn’t make your friend desperate.
Issue:
You just set your friend up with a really great person, but once again they told you it wasn’t going to work.
- Do: Let them tell you the entire story of their date before you interject. Sure, you thought the person you set them up with was fabulous, but for whatever reason sometimes two people just don’t click.
- Don’t: Tell them they’re too picky or get upset with your friend. After all, your pal just wants to find the right person for them, and that might be something slightly different than what you had in mind.
Issue:
Out of nowhere your friend tells you they found “the one” and are getting married.
- Do: Be happy for them!
- Don’t: Complain that you haven’t met their partner yet, or wonder out loud how they could move so fast. Failing to be supportive of your friend during a very happy time for them is just as bad as not being there for them at all when things are miserable.
