Meeting Someone You've Met Online
First date safety tips to protect yourself from reasonable harm and unreasonable expectations.
Aug 1, 2006
After a dry spell, you have finally connected with someone who sounds very exciting online. The winks and e-mails have been flying back and forth and one of you suggests getting together in person. You're very excited to meet Mr. or Ms. Wonderful for the first time, but don't forget a few basic pieces of information.
1. As we all know, and have read and heard the horror stories, it is very easy for someone to misrepresent themselves online. In this "virtual world," it's easy to be anyone we want to be. I have online dating experience, and met several men who sounded so wonderful on paper and via e-mail, but I was excruciatingly disappointed to meet face-to-face.
Keep your expectations in check! Don't pick out the wedding invitations just yet, rather let things develop slowly and naturally. In the virtual world, it's so easy for things to go in a completely different time continuum than is natural.
2. If you are hitting it off via e-mail and instant messaging, make sure you talk on the phone before setting up an in-person meeting. Don't skip this important step. Hearing a person's voice adds a new dimension to the developing relationship, and it is great to have actual conversation to see if it flows freely and easily or if there are lots of awkward silences and lulls. I recommend having several telephone conversations and see how they go overall before taking it to the next level.
3. Plan to meet in a very public place, such as a coffee shop, or restaurant. When meeting someone I've never met personally before, I always meet them. I have not shared my address and allowed them to pick me up and take me home. Make sure you let a couple people (either friends or family) know where you are going and about how long you will be gone. Have a game plan for someone to call and check in with you to make sure you're ok and have arrived home safely after the conclusion of the date.
If you feel your date is following you, drive to the nearest police or fire station or very public place. Better safe than sorry!
4. Watch alcohol consumption on your first meeting with someone, and I recommend not leaving a drink unattended where a tasteless additive such as the date rape drug could be added. I finish a drink completely and then run to the restroom, saying, "Oh, I'll figure out what I want to drink next when I get back." Don't let them order a drink that will arrive while you're gone.
5. Expand on things you've e-mailed or talked about on the phone, or ask questions to alleviate awkward pauses or lulls that are bound to arise when spending time with someone new for the first time face-to-face.
Be prepared to have some fun, and learn many new things on this meeting. Most importantly you will likely figure out if they are the same person they've represented themselves to be online. Also you will determine if you are attracted to them physically and could have a real romantic relationship with them vs. a great friendship because you have things in common but no attraction.
Go in to the meeting with realistic expectations, and practice these smart personal safety tips and your in-person meetings should be a wonderful experience!
