Going From Friends to Lovers

When You Fall For Your Pal

© Cherie Burbach

Aug 16, 2007

They say the best relationships develop when two people start out as friends first. After all, if you have a platonic relationship with someone, you get to know them on a much more meaningful level, one that isn’t based on sex. Friendships do have the possibility of developing into something more, but there are a few things to consider before you decide to kick it up a notch.

Determine Where the Feelings Are Coming From

• It’s important to understand why feelings for your friend have deepened. Have you just come out of another relationship and are now feeling lonely? Are you having problems in your current relationship? Is your friend in a new relationship that has you feeling a bit jealous for their time? Be honest about the origin of your feelings. You may suddenly think you are in love with your friend, only to fall out of that feeling when your life begins to settle down. Don’t announce the way you feel to your friend until you’re sure your feelings are for real.

Talk to Your Friend

• If you both begin having feelings for each other, talking about them becomes much easier. If you don’t know how your friend feels, however, you may be embarrassed to bring the subject up, for fear of rejection. But the longer you hold in your true feelings, the more awkward things will be in the long run. Approach your friend honestly, but be cautious. Your friend may not share your feelings, and if that’s the case, it might be a bit embarrassing. But if your friend is really your friend, you both will get through it and talk about whether moving your relationship up to the next level is the right decision.

Forgive Your Friend If They Don’t Feel the Same Way

• You have to remember that you have had time to process the feelings you have, but when you first bring it up to your friend, it may come as quite a surprise. Your friend may laugh or even freak out a bit. Let them deal with the information in their own way. Don’t pressure them or make them feel bad if they don’t share your feelings. They may, of course, have unrealized feelings for you too but have never wanted to really think about it. Give your friend space to consider the feelings you have for them. It may take some time.

The Friendship Will Change, and Might Even End

• Many pals are hesitant about changing their relationship because they don’t want to lose the companionship they both share. This is a very real fear, because emotions combined with sexual intimacy will change the bond you have. There’s no question about it. However, when one of you begins having feelings for the other, the relationship has already changed. You can’t alter how you feel, but you can’t ignore it either. Like any relationship, good communication is the key to keeping you both on good terms. By talking things through you’ll be able to weather this latest development, and regardless of the outcome, maintain your strong bond.

In Love With a Friend

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