You've known each other for years but suddenly, something changes between the two of you. Can you really go beyond friends to something more?
They say the best relationships develop when two people start out as friends first. After all, if you have a platonic relationship with someone, you get to know them on a much more meaningful level, one that isn’t based on sex. Friendships do have the possibility of developing into something more, but there are a few things to consider before you decide to kick it up a notch.
Determine Where the Feelings Are Coming From
It’s important to understand why feelings for your friend have deepened. Have you just come out of another relationship and are now feeling lonely? Are you having problems in your current relationship? Is your friend in a new relationship that has you feeling a bit jealous for their time? Be honest about the origin of your feelings. You may suddenly think you are in love with your friend, only to fall out of that feeling when your life begins to settle down. Don’t announce the way you feel to your friend until you’re sure your feelings are for real.
Talk to Your Friend
If you both begin having feelings for each other, talking about them becomes much easier. If you don’t know how your friend feels, however, you may be embarrassed to bring the subject up, for fear of rejection. But the longer you hold in your true feelings, the more awkward things will be in the long run. Approach your friend honestly, but be cautious. Your friend may not share your feelings, and if that’s the case, it might be a bit embarrassing. But if your friend is really your friend, you both will get through it and talk about whether moving your relationship up to the next level is the right decision.
Forgive Your Friend If They Don’t Feel the Same Way
You have to remember that you have had time to process the feelings you have, but when you first bring it up to your friend, it may come as quite a surprise. Your friend may laugh or even freak out a bit. Let them deal with the information in their own way. Don’t pressure them or make them feel bad if they don’t share your feelings. They may, of course, have unrealized feelings for you too but have never wanted to really think about it. Give your friend space to consider the feelings you have for them. It may take some time.
The Friendship Will Change, and Might Even End
Many pals are hesitant about changing their relationship because they don’t want to lose the companionship they both share. This is a very real fear, because emotions combined with sexual intimacy will change the bond you have. There’s no question about it. However, when one of you begins having feelings for the other, the relationship has already changed. You can’t alter how you feel, but you can’t ignore it either. Like any relationship, good communication is the key to keeping you both on good terms. By talking things through you’ll be able to weather this latest development, and regardless of the outcome, maintain your strong bond.
The copyright of the article Going From Friends to Lovers in Dating is owned by Cherie Burbach. Permission to republish Going From Friends to Lovers in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
I'm not in love with my friend. But I think I like him. I THINK. I'm
not sure! Can someone help me!?!
Feb 20, 2009 7:56 AM
Guest :
I'm falling for a friend of about 20 years. It is very difficult at times
because she just wants to be on her own now, though she has told me she has
started to fall for me. She has been in a lot of bad relationships and
drama in her life, and is affraid of that happening again. I just have
to be patient and understanding, while keeping the faith that she will come
around to the idea more of giving a relationship with me a chance by
letting go of the past.
Jun 7, 2009 11:35 AM
Guest :
Way back in drivers ed about 15 years ago I became friends with a guy in
class. We remained friends throughout high school. After graduation we
went our seperate ways as most do. Its been 12 years since we have seen
each other, or even talked. A week ago we ran into each other at a
sporting event, we chatted for about a half hour. Just a few days ago we
went on a date. For over an hour we sat facing each other, staring into
each others eyes and smiling. We did some catching up on the past years
and found out we have so much in common. We made plans to go out again in
a week. I can't wait to see him again. Yes I do think dating is a real
possibility with this man...I just don't want to mess it up.
Jul 20, 2009 11:35 AM
Guest :
I'm confused with my feelings right now. I think I've fall in love with my
best friend. However, both of us already have our own partner. For once, I
thought we could really get into a relationship, however, due to my
impatient and rush character, I miss this rare opportunity. I knew
her during my 2nd year in High School. It was love at first sight. At that
period of time, I was single and she was attached. At first, since knowing
that she already got a BF, I only thought of having her as a friend. But as
days went by, my feelings for her grew. She always mentioned about how bad
her BF treated her. At that point of time, I was thinking of taking this
opportunity to get close to her and console her. I don’t know why she still
let the relationship goes on despite knowing that her BF has been
ill-treating her. She should just end the relationship as soon as possible,
to prevent any further unhappiness. I knew she was going to break up with
her BF sooner or later, so I waited for that to happen before I approach
her. I'm very confident that we can go into a relationship as we are
already like a couple in the eyes of others and she doesn't seem to mind
regarding those teasing from my classmates. One of the most unforgettable
happening is when our class did a BBQ session. People at my age like to
play games like true or dare and other stuffs that have got to do with
relationship. I remembered it was a Saturday night. During that BBQ
session, I wasn’t thinking of staying over for the night. But at around
11pm, it started pouring heavily and because of that, I couldn’t go back.
Luckily my friend brought along a tent and we were able to hide in the
tent. When I entered the tent, she pulled me over to sit by her side and of
course, I was overjoyed. In the tent, we continued our games. Although it
was raining outside, inside the tent, it was very humid. Each of us takes a
paper plate and fans ourselves. At this moment, she asked if I could help
to fan her as she was too tired to raise her arms. Of course, I did as she
said and the whole picture was like my arms were around her. For that
moment, it just seems so real, as though we are a couple. After the rain
was gone, we continued with our games and some chit-chatting, all these
lasted till 5am in the morning. This is when she received a call from her
BF that he was coming to fetch her home. I was a little sad knowing that
and I was hoping that we could stay together longer. After she’s left, I
felt like my soul
Oct 25, 2009 8:08 AM
Guest :
So we were good friends within a close group. From the begining of meeting
someone, I can usually tell whether any further relationships are possible.
So this makes it really confusing becuase i;ve known him for more than a
year. I've never been attracted to him in that way and I know the same goes
with him. He had been the one who had fallen for me first as I could sense
it. We are now togehter but i;ve been questioning myself about our
relationship. I'm beginning to feel that I agreed to be with him because I
was bored of being single than acutally liking him. Although I thought i
did at the start. The more I consider this, the more I feel that I'm right.
We have fun togther but he doesnt seem to be my type. I hate this for
happening. I hate myself for changing our relationship.
