Getting Your Ex Back

When You Regret Breaking Up

© Cherie Burbach

Jul 23, 2007

We’ve all changed our minds at some point in our lives. Sometimes we buy items on a whim that, as soon as we get them home, wonder what we’re going to do with them. Sometimes we choose paint colors or clothing we don’t like. But when you break up with someone and later regret your decision, is there anything you can do to get them back? Is it even possible, or, a good idea?

If you’re having second thoughts about dumping your ex, consider these points.

Ambivalent Feelings Are Natural

• When your ex has cheated or been abusive in some way, breaking up is definitely the right thing to do. But what if you and your ex just didn’t seem to get along? What if there were extenuating circumstances? If you suddenly can’t even remember the real reason you broke up, or you believe you made a rash judgment, first acknowledge your feelings of doubt. When you go from having someone around to do things with to being alone, you are naturally going to have times when you’ll feel lonely and sad. Like any type of loss, there is a mourning period where you’ll feel blue and out of sorts. Allow yourself time to grieve where you don’t look back and second-guess your decision. Be confident that even though you’re feeling lonely now, you will begin to date again and find the person you were meant to be with.

Remind Yourself of the Reasons You Said Goodbye

• Distance and time tend to soften our view of situations, so it’s easy to look back at your ex and see only the good things. Remember the reasons you broke up with your ex. If necessary, write down a list of reasons you said goodbye that you can consult often when you have feelings of getting back together. Trust in the decision you made.

View Your Past Relationship Realistically

• If you can’t get the thought of your ex out of your mind, give it time to see if your feelings change. Often we feel that we’ve made a mistake in ending things only because we haven’t met someone new yet. If, after a considerable amount of time you feel you ended your relationship in error, examine once again the reasons that shaped your decision. Sometimes people look good to us only because they aren’t ours anymore. Be careful in assuming that things would be different just because time has passed.

Consider What Would Be Different About the Relationship Now

• There can be a number of circumstances that cause a break up. Sometimes family issues or work pressures put extra stress on a relationship. Losing someone we think could have been great for us might provide a jolt of maturity that was otherwise lacking. When the problems that helped break you up subside, you may feel getting back together with your ex will be a different experience the second time around. Remember though, that the test of a good relationship is making it through all those stressors. Life is never going to be perfect, and your partnership has to be able to withstand negative influences.

Approach Your Ex With Caution

• If, after lengthy consideration you still want to reconcile with your ex, broach the idea with them carefully. Remember that while you’ve keeping yourself in limbo with regard to your ex, they could have focused on getting over the break up. Approaching them for reconciliation when you’re not completely sure you want them back can be cruel, especially if they took news of the break up rather hard. If they haven’t yet found someone new, talk to them about your feelings and why you think things would be different between you now. Perhaps your ex will want to try being friends again to start with. Or, they may balk entirely at the idea. Accept whatever choice they make.

• If your ex has found a new love, don’t try to interfere or guilt them into seeing you. Wish them the best with their new relationship, and mean it. Know that in moving on they will meet the right person for them. And so, in time, will you.

When You Regret the Break Up

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