If you have second thoughts about ending your relationship, is there anything you can do to get your ex back?
We’ve all changed our minds at some point in our lives. Sometimes we buy items on a whim that, as soon as we get them home, wonder what we’re going to do with them. Sometimes we choose paint colors or clothing we don’t like. But when you break up with someone and later regret your decision, is there anything you can do to get them back? Is it even possible, or, a good idea?
If you’re having second thoughts about dumping your ex, consider these points.
Ambivalent Feelings Are Natural
When your ex has cheated or been abusive in some way, breaking up is definitely the right thing to do. But what if you and your ex just didn’t seem to get along? What if there were extenuating circumstances? If you suddenly can’t even remember the real reason you broke up, or you believe you made a rash judgment, first acknowledge your feelings of doubt. When you go from having someone around to do things with to being alone, you are naturally going to have times when you’ll feel lonely and sad. Like any type of loss, there is a mourning period where you’ll feel blue and out of sorts. Allow yourself time to grieve where you don’t look back and second-guess your decision. Be confident that even though you’re feeling lonely now, you will begin to date again and find the person you were meant to be with.
Remind Yourself of the Reasons You Said Goodbye
Distance and time tend to soften our view of situations, so it’s easy to look back at your ex and see only the good things. Remember the reasons you broke up with your ex. If necessary, write down a list of reasons you said goodbye that you can consult often when you have feelings of getting back together. Trust in the decision you made.
View Your Past Relationship Realistically
If you can’t get the thought of your ex out of your mind, give it time to see if your feelings change. Often we feel that we’ve made a mistake in ending things only because we haven’t met someone new yet. If, after a considerable amount of time you feel you ended your relationship in error, examine once again the reasons that shaped your decision. Sometimes people look good to us only because they aren’t ours anymore. Be careful in assuming that things would be different just because time has passed.
Consider What Would Be Different About the Relationship Now
There can be a number of circumstances that cause a break up. Sometimes family issues or work pressures put extra stress on a relationship. Losing someone we think could have been great for us might provide a jolt of maturity that was otherwise lacking. When the problems that helped break you up subside, you may feel getting back together with your ex will be a different experience the second time around. Remember though, that the test of a good relationship is making it through all those stressors. Life is never going to be perfect, and your partnership has to be able to withstand negative influences.
Approach Your Ex With Caution
If, after lengthy consideration you still want to reconcile with your ex, broach the idea with them carefully. Remember that while you’ve keeping yourself in limbo with regard to your ex, they could have focused on getting over the break up. Approaching them for reconciliation when you’re not completely sure you want them back can be cruel, especially if they took news of the break up rather hard. If they haven’t yet found someone new, talk to them about your feelings and why you think things would be different between you now. Perhaps your ex will want to try being friends again to start with. Or, they may balk entirely at the idea. Accept whatever choice they make.
If your ex has found a new love, don’t try to interfere or guilt them into seeing you. Wish them the best with their new relationship, and mean it. Know that in moving on they will meet the right person for them. And so, in time, will you.
The copyright of the article Getting Your Ex Back in Dating is owned by Cherie Burbach. Permission to republish Getting Your Ex Back in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
wish my ex wud get back with me we went through a lot of shit hes kinda
been giving me the cold shoulder for 2 months now
we were
together for 2 years the break up cant be fixed i dunno
shame
advice needed will give more details later
Oct 25, 2008 10:04 AM
Guest :
Yup,def regret breaking up with my ex.Took me 8 months to apologise,think I
left it too late,hurt him too much.Well,I have to live with my mistake
now...
Nov 12, 2008 6:53 AM
Guest :
Whisper He broke up because of my drinking - I binge drink. i have
been sober since we he broke it off 2 weeks ago. i realize now being sober
is the only healthy way for me but will my sobriety bring him back i really
don't know. i did some very embarassing things and will always regret them
however i know i have become a better healthier person. Time will tell I
guess. Would you take sonmeone back after a issue like this? Will
there be a tomorrow for us?
Nov 13, 2008 7:28 AM
Guest :
In the same boat buddy. My and I were together on and off for almost 2
years ex broke up with me for some other clown. She's not with him and now
dating someone else. She gives me the cold shoulder everytime I see her.
I got some payback the other day I was dating someone new myself I
went right by her and didn't even look at her. My current g/f had a staring
war with her funny it felt good for some reason. My ex looked pretty
insecure after that she got on the phone right away. lol
Nov 13, 2008 7:52 AM
Guest :
I wish that my ex gf will be back again to me.. We were together for just
3months.. but for that 3months alone of my life is so special.. That
3months is my happiest days of my whole life.. My ex gf broke up with me
because I was too sacrificing my saving for her.. and she knew that her
crush has feelings for her.. and for that very moment our relationship has
ended.. now I was trying/hoping/wishing/praying that someday she is the one
for me.. I will wait for her no matter what, right now she has a bf that is
a player.. her bf now has 2-3 gf's.. but my ex doesnt know it.. Almost
all of my close and my gf close friends keep saying that her bf today will
never ever do what I did or what I gave for the love for her.. I want to
tell her that I love her still even though she doesnt love me.. will be
this a good way to start over again? or she will just hink that "okay
then If I was hurt by my bf you will be my temporary bf.." I don't
know what to do.. were friends now. but my love for her isnt just for
friends.. what should I do?
Nov 22, 2008 11:24 AM
Guest :
I've dated my ex for only a month,but at the time when I was dating her it
was three years that we've known and flirted with eachother. Reason we
broke up was because she moved outta the country. Now she moved back for
which reasons I don't know, and we're talking again the same way we've been
talking back then. Now it's been over 5 years that we've known eachother
and I just found out recently that she still has feelings for me,and I feel
the same way. But bad part is that she has a bf atm and even though she
still has feelings for me.
What should I do?
Dec 12, 2008 2:55 PM
Guest :
My ex BF and I broke up because we had moved in together and had a few
'teething problems.' His choice was to break up instead of stay and give
it a chance. It has now been 2 years and I am still so deeply in love with
him and wish everyday that he would come back. I saw him the other day and
there was so much electricity in the air!!! Other people who had no idea
who he is also noticed it!! Here's hoping that he isn't too proud to
approach me again!
Jan 1, 2009 9:14 AM
Guest :
I was with my ex for 4 and a half years. We always talked about getting
married and made plans but he hadnt asked me to marry him yet. I got scared
and thought he was never going to ask me. I have two more years of college,
he told me he was waiting till I was closer to being done. We were high
school sweethearts. I now know atfer 5 months of trying to get over him,
that I may have made the bestest mistake of my life. He is still best
friends with my brother in-law, but I never see him. I am going to send him
some pictures (of him with some big fish), I think he would want them but I
want to send him a letter to. I have no idea what to say.
Jan 31, 2009 3:25 PM
Guest :
after a year i broke up with him and was begging him back a week later. a
year after that he broke up with me, and it took a month to convince him to
come back. a month after that he broke up with me for good. we were
not right for each other. all the good things did not out weigh all the
problems. the problems did not go away, and we did not work on them in
time, and the rift are to wide and deep now.
Apr 26, 2009 8:13 PM
Guest :
Maybe it's meant to be if you always move forward and closer together. If
there's doubt, if it's fading, perhaps it's not meant to be.
Oct 6, 2009 9:50 AM
Guest :
damn, i broke up with my ex because we was gettin to close &i was
afraid of gettin hurt.. but i reallt hurt myself in the end, i lost the
best thing in my life.. but we have started to talk again &we're
progressing i guess you could say.. but i hate waiting on him to make up
his mind on what he wants. sometimes i just feel he's playin me to get back
at me for breaking his heart.. :(