Financial Infidelity

Monetary Cheating in Your Relationship

May 27, 2008 Cherie Burbach

Being unfaithful involves more than emotional or physical betrayal. Financial infidelity is fast becoming a major issue with couples today.

When most people think of “cheating” in a relationship they think of physical or even emotional unfaithfulness. However, financial infidelity is fast becoming an issue with today’s couples. A 2005 study from Lawyers.com and Redbook Magazine showed that “24% of all those currently in a relationship say honesty about finances is more important than honesty about fidelity, and 72% say trust is essential to a successful romance.”

Definition of Financial Infidelity

Any lie or act of dishonesty with regard to money can qualify as financial infidelity. When one partner hides purchases from the other, lies about how much is spent on certain items, or takes money out of an account without telling the other person it could be a sign financial cheating.

Lying About Finances Hurts a Relationship

When couples are married or living together, they often pool their money and share expenses. Their money becomes an extension of themselves and a representation of their character. So when one partner goes against the agreed upon terms of financial boundaries, it breaks down the level of trust in the relationship.

Accumulative Lies Indicate a Problem

The aforementioned study also indicated that “nearly one-third (29%) of U.S. adults ages 25 to 55 who are in a committed relationship say they have been dishonest with their partner about spending habits.” Lying in any form is bad for a relationship. It shows a lack of respect for the other person and an indication that the couple is not on the same page.

The occasional small white lie about finances is usually not enough to break the trust in a partnership, but when the lies continue to build, it could be a sign of a more serious problem. Each time one partner covers up spending issues it not only steals trust away from the relationship but also puts the other person on the line for money she didn’t plan on spending.

Different Ideas About Spending Could Mean Different Life Goals

Ideas on how to spend money are an important issue for couples. If one person continually spends money on the sly, while the other toils away to save, it could mean that the spender is putting him or herself above the goals of the relationship. The spender could deem future expenses such as retirement, college education, or home ownership as not important to his immediate wants.

Women Are More Likely to Be Financial Cheaters

According to the same study, women are more commonly involved in financial infidelity than men. The study showed that 33% of women versus 26% of men lied about money to their partners. One reason for this could be that women are usually in charge of the household (41% of women versus 21% of men). Having access to the household accounts could make it easier to hide money or lie about spending.

Lying about finances takes cunning, covering up, and planning. It takes the same type of effort as for other types of infidelity, and involves the same hurtful lack of respect. If one partner is willing to lie about money, it may be just a matter of time before he begins to lie about other things. A betrayal involving money can be equally as hurtful as physical cheating and be much more difficult to get over.

The copyright of the article Financial Infidelity in Dating is owned by Cherie Burbach. Permission to republish Financial Infidelity in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.

Financial Infidelity Is Hurtful to a Relationship	Hiding Purchases Indicates a Problem With Money	Different Ideas About Money Is a Red Flag
Financial Cheating Makes for an Unhappy Home	Women More Often Guilty of Financial Infidelity

What do you think about this article?

---

NOTE: Because you are not a Suite101 member, your comment will be moderated before it is viewable.

post your comment

What is 5+7?

Comments

Jun 5, 2008 2:59 PM

Guest :

MY BOYFRIEND AND I HAVE BEEN LIVING TOGETHER FOR ALMOST A YEAR NOW. ABOUT A MONTH AGO I FOUND OUT FROM A FAMILY MEMBER OF HIS THAT HE IS PAYING FOR A CAR THAT HE TOLD ME HE HAD ALREADY PAID CASH FOR. HE ALSO WENT TO A FINANCE COMPANY ON A SEPARATE OCCASION AND BORROWED MONEY TO PAY OFF AN EXISTING LOAN WITH THE SAME COMPANY. I ASKED HIM ABOUT IT AND HE SAID THAT HE HAD MADE THE LAST PAYMENT ON THE CAR LIKE A WEEK AGO, AND HE NEVER GAVE ME NUMBERS ON THE LOAN, BUT DID CONFESS TO IT. HE COULD NOT TELL ME WHAT HE DID WITH THE MONEY. IT IS A MAJOR ISSUE BECAUSE WE JUST HAD A NEW BABY AND HAVE BILLS. THE SHIT REALLY HIT THE FAN WHEN I HAD PAID ALL OF THE BILLS I WAS IN CHARGE OF AND HE WAS IN CHARGE OF GROCERIES AND COULDNT BUY THEM. WE ARE BOTH FULL TIME WORKERS THAT MAKE OVER 16.00 PER HOUR. THESE INFIDELITIES ONLY MADE ME WONDER WHAT ELSE HE HAD BEEN DOING AND NOT TELLING ME ABOUT. I CAN NOT BE WITH A MAN WHO DOES NOT RESPECT ME ENOUGH TO TELL ME ABOUT MAJOR FINANCIAL OBLIGATIONS LIKE THOSE HE HAS AND THE TRUTH. I DESERVE BETTER AND BETTER IS WHAT I WILL GET. THANKS AND GOD BLESS. ONCE A LIAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jun 10, 2008 12:03 PM

Guest :

My son's wife has debt of $20,000 which he didn't know about for several years. He recently found out about it and now he wants to divorce her because he feels once a liar always a liar...I have asked him to think it over because he has two beautiful children. I would hate to see them apart. He also told me that he has been thinking about having an affair. I just feel so bad about all of this.

Oct 13, 2008 2:11 PM

Guest :

I recently found out my husband maxed out our credit card ($15,000). What I have learned from this situation is that my husband is a self-centered man. I have always known he was selfish, its one of the things I hate about him, but like most women I believed he would grow out of it. He may still grow out of his selfish ways, but I may not be around to witness this.

I entered in this marriage with the belief he had our familys best interest in mind, I know that I sure have. When he told me the card was maxed out a few months ago, things started to make more sense about our living expenses. Instead of telling me we couldnt afford something, he charged it.

Obviously he was afraid of looking like a failure that he couldnt afford the things he believed we should have or that we needed.

At this point I have had an extremely hard time forgiving him, especailly since he went and got another credit card with out telling me and maxed out that one also.

I dont feel as though he has cheated on me, I feel like he has cheated me. My trust for him is completely gone. I prefer to sleep on the sofa, I dont believe him when he tells me he loves me, and I have found myself being much more critical of his actions.

My husband seems to feel as though its not that big of deal and I should have already forgave him for it, or at least stop getting angry about it.

I am sure if I will ever forgive him. I may not be ready to right now. The wound still seems fresh and raw. My advice to any person in this position would be to take complete control of the family income/bills and such, and I personally would like to see my husband attend a therapist with me. The damage this type of infedelity can have on a relationship sometimes shocks people.

3 Comments