Fighting Fair
How to Deal With Conflict In a Healthy and Appropriate Way
Arguing isn't bad; but the way you do it might be. Here are some tips on airing disputes without damaging your relationship.
Learning how to settle disagreements is an important part of any partnership. And while arguments can actually be beneficial to your relationship, it’s important to maintain positive communication that doesn’t demean your partner or harm your union.
Not sure if you’re fighting the right way? Here are some tips to help settle issues while still maintaining a great relationship.
Consider the Time and Place
While it can be difficult to hold your fury when you first realize you’ve been wronged, wait until you and your partner are alone and in a quiet space. If your partner is busy at work, out with friends, or in the midst of a family visit, wait until he or she can speak with you one on one.
Maintain Respect
Even if you just found out your partner cheated on you or worse, never say something that will embarrass your mate or cause a scene. Doing so is not only ineffective for resolving conflict but is also disrespectful to your partner. Take an objective view of the situation first, and then work with your partner to find out his or her side.
Focus on the Issue
It can be all too easy to resurrect every past mistake when you are angry with someone. However, doing so will not help the two of you get to a resolution on the current issue. If you find that you’re angry over many different things, take some time to consider if they are related to one underlying cause. By pinpointing behavior you and your partner will be better able to come to an agreed upon solution.
Be Aware of Your Arguing Style
Sometimes the problem is not so much the offense that triggers an argument, but the way the argument begins. Everyone has a different style of arguing based on their personality, their childhood, and the level of anger he or she has over the situation. Some people raise voices, others storm out, and still others may be unable to communicate effectively. If you and your partner have opposite arguing styles, it can create bigger problems. Come to a middle ground on how you handle conflict, so smaller problems don’t morph into big ones.
Work Toward the Best Solution For Your Relationship
Forget the mentality of winning and losing when it comes to arguing with your partner. The only “win” is coming to a peaceful resolution. After all, the purpose of having an argument is to come to a better place in your relationship. Keep that goal in mind throughout your discussion.
