Review of the book that reveals why your love life sucks and what you can do about it.
Wondering why you just can’t seem to meet the right person? Author Alan Cohen just may have the answer for you in his book, Don’t Get Lucky, Get Smart: Why Your Love Life Sucks and What You Can Do About It [Marlow & Company, 2007].
Why Relationships Fail
Don’t Get Lucky, Get Smart is divided into ten chapters, each titled with a possible reason why relationships fail. The first of these reasons cuts to the very heart of why many singles can’t find love: they start relationships “on the wrong foot.” Cohen digs deeper into this by explaining the difference between being open to love and being desperate.
Especially important in finding love is the ability to see yourself as others do. Many singles want to be with a mate so badly they actually try and become someone they are not. This strategy not only makes a single person feel worse about his or her life after a breakup, but it also attracts the wrong type of individual.
Cohen also talks about “love at first sight” and how it usually means the single is living out a fantasy, rather than seeing the potential love interest as he or she really is.
Sympathetic Advice Followed By Practical Points
To further help illustrate his points, Cohen provides anecdotal stories within each chapter. Each story is either a direct illustration or a compilation of several he’s heard, and is followed by sympathetic advice. Bullet points follow at the end of each chapter to further highlight the main points of each section.
Being Real
A refreshing part of his book deals with “being real.” That is, remaining honest with the people you date and with yourself. Cohen points out that being someone you’re not attracts people to you based on the lie rather than on the truth. The problem with this, of course, is that lies take a great deal of time and effort to maintain, and in the end, the truth always manage to come through regardless.
Image Managers
The author provides a helpful list of “Image managers” (people that try and become something they are not) and “real players,” or those who have the courage to show the world whom they really are in order to have greater success in finding someone that loves you for who you really are.
Signs of Love
While much of the advice is well placed, a few quirks of the book may need to be taken with a grain of salt. For example, the story on pages 72-73 discuss the author’s experience in meeting what he thought was his soul mate. He read certain “signs” only to find out a short time later that the woman was already taken. In the book he then goes on to analyze the signs one by one. Overanalyzing in this manner is as ridiculous as looking for signs in the first place. While the author’s advice is often worthwhile his reasoning behind this piece of advice, at least, is somewhat murky.
Valuable Advice
Overall, Don’t Get Lucky, Get Smart is a book many singles will find useful in the dating world today. Cohen provides this advice in reference to moving on from past relationship pain:
- “Consider your emotions as currency. The more you invest in the past, the less you have to invest in the present and future.”
This, along with the advice to “quit telling your victim story” should help singles invoke the required motivation for change to break unsuccessful patterns and finally find someone worthy of their love and trust.
Embrace the Good in Relationships
Perhaps the best advice of all is that a single person should get in the mindset of feeling that he or she deserves something good in their life. Rather than waiting for something bad to happen in a relationship, embrace the good. If the positive aspects of a relationship aren’t there, it’s time to move on.
Alan Cohen is the author of twenty two inspirations books, including the best-selling The Dragon Doesn't Live Here Anymore, the award-winning A Deep Breath of Life, and the classic Are You as Happy as Your Dog? Additional information can be found at the author’s website.
