How many times do people go into a real slump after another relationship breaks up? How many times does one hear of someone being cheerful after a break-up?
Disappointment is Bound to Come Up
Disappointment is the most commonly felt emotion following up a break up of a relationship that the person had hoped was going to lead somewhere.
People report that their disappointment stems from a number of let-downs:
- They thought he or she was "the one"
- They thought they'd finally be able to "settle down", start a family, buy a house
- They believed that they'd have a companion and would no longer be alone
Disappointment seems to carry less emotion than pain. And what if pain were the real emotion?
What is the Real Cause of the Pain?
At the core, the main cause of emotional pain when a relationship breaks up derives from the sense that hopes and dreams were not fulfilled. The person feeling the emotional pain has a true sense of physical pain. What is it about broken dreams that lead to pain?
Believing You are Part of a Whole
Bruce H. Lipton, in his book The Biology of Belief [Hay House Inc., 2005], states and restates that the fundamental law of life itself is that we are part of a whole. Eckhart Tolle begins Chapter Two of his book A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose [Penguin Books, 2005], by telling his readers that everything is connected with everything else and with the Source of life. He states that losing the sense of this miraculousness of life is the cause of deepest pain.
How Dating Can be an Arena for Rediscovering the Self
Part of the deepest pain in a relationship break up comes from the sense of failure. But what if there was no such thing as failure? What if failure is just another label to cover up fear, and doubt, and self-judgment? Fear, doubt and judgment are ways in which the ego-driven mind keeps us from feeling part of the whole.
Stopping the Fear, Doubt and Judgment
One way to stop the mind chatter is "stand still". This can be accomplished quickly and easily by taking a few deep breaths and becoming aware of the present moment, the sounds around you, the people, objects, the light in the sky, or the colour of the rain if it is raining.
Facing failure – really turning and facing it, brings a person right into the core, into the deepest self. Sometimes what is found there is surprisingly dark, full of negative beliefs about oneself.
Start by Believing in Yourself and the Rest Will Follow
Once unsupportive beliefs have been uncovered, it's time to start letting them go. By letting go of the negative labels and old unsupportive beliefs about yourself, you can start to feel reconnected to all that is whole and good in the life you are living.
There will still be challenges. In the dating game, there are lots of surprises. Meeting new people will bring opportunities for experiencing people's differing points of view and ways of seeing the world.
Learning from all of these opportunities can bring amazing insights that you may not otherwise reach in isolation, or in the company of familiar people. Remembering that life itself is the most wonderful learning opportunity, and that failure is just a word, there is no end to the adventure.
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