I particularly enjoyed the e-mail with this first letter writer, because this is a very real day-to-day relationship issue for many of us!
We'll call her "Sue" to protect the innocent! Sue, 27, has a boyfriend of over seven months. The boyfriend, while not married, had a child with an ex-girlfriend he was with for approximately seven years. The child is around three now. However, the boyfriend refuses to introduce Sue to "the ex" because he doesn't want to rock the boat! What to do?
In today's society where it seems the divorce rate is about 50% this is going to happen to many of us. We become involved with someone who has an ex-wife, or in this case, significant, long-term ex-girlfriend. Also in this case there is a youngster involved so we have to keep the communication tactful for the child's sake.
My advice to "Sue" was to primarily give it some time since she has been with her partner less than a year and he was in this previous relationship seven years. Don't make too many demands too quickly. Many times people just need to build up trust and faith in you and in the new relationship, and for a lot of us, trust is not granted overnight. Rather it is earned by going through life events together, the good times and bad.
Down the road I am sure he will become comfortable and confident enough to introduce "Sue" to his ex-girlfriend. But take it one step at a time, and as their relationship grows he will take steps to introduce her to key people in his daily life. Unfortunately, since he has a child with his ex, she continues to be a somewhat key person as the mother of his child.
I said "Sue" can be grateful that her boyfriend has introduced her to his child; she has also had the opportunity to meet and spend time with his friends and also his co-workers. I would toss up the caution flag had she not met anyone significant in his life. But when people want to share other parts of their lives (friends, work, family) with their significant other or person they are dating that is great! If they refuse to share, or introduce their date to others, that throws up a big "Why?"
Keep those letters coming! I am very excited to explore the readers' specific dating issues and concerns in upcoming articles. I will also generalize these in an attempt to help others in a similar situation. The advice is now flowing freely . .
:)
