The Christian Dating Dilemma
How To Stay Normal While Dating In The Evangelical Fishbowl
Jun 3, 2009
There has been a long existing misconception amongst evangelical Christians that when it comes to dating, some of the laws of attraction do not apply. Mix that misconception with the pressure of being consistent with their faith and this kind of pressure has a tendency to make Christians appear "weird" or "abnormal.” when courting the opposite gender.
There are really two major differences between Christians and non-Christians in the arena of dating. One issue surrounds premarital intercourse, which should not be an option for a Christian desiring to remain chaste until marriage. Obviously the desire for expressing one's sexuality is very real and very normal, however what separates humans from animals is the ability to govern these urges.
In this day and age, this may seem antiquated thinking nor relevant to today’s social mores, however, all denominations within Christianity believe that there is a special marital designation meant for intercourse and following that provision provides a greater reward than what has been promised by today’s moral prevarications.
Prayer is the second major difference between Christians and non-Christians when it comes to dating life.
Praying With A Potential Significant Other
Many Christians believe that a great way to learn about a potential significant other is to pray with them. Obviously, not every couple does this and some may not want to appear uber-spiritual to the point of alienating a potential love interest, but for Christians, prayer is a key part of any relationship.
Prayer is important for Christians, in that it not only gives insight to the other person’s heart, but it provides a safe avenue for involvement and productivity in another person's life. Prayer creates a connection, creating feelings of involvement in a "project" of sorts as the couple prays for guidance or a particular outcome.
Avoid The Gossip Mill When Dating
In any group environment, whether it's a work environment or a social environment, gossip is very common. And believe it or not, gossip is as rampant in churches as it anywhere else, sometimes, even more so.
To send the right message to a potential love interest, do not contribute to the gossip mill. Gossip and rumors need not define an individual or a couple, so don't let gossip rule your relationship. The best approach is to protect the self and the potential love interest from the sniping and rumors of others, even if this means avoiding and or confronting the “haters” in a particular church.
Boundaries in a Christian's Dating Life
Nothing sends the message of disrespect like the lack of respect for another person's boundaries. So, the definition of boundaries and communicating them is a crucial step in the development of a successful relationship.
Although meeting a new potential love interest is exciting and exhilarating, you do not want it to be overwhelming and nothing will sabotage a relationship faster than attempting to push a partner in areas they do not want to be pushed in.
Everyone has their own pace in terms of how they want to move forward, so simply spend time getting to know your desired partner for who they are and not what you want them to become. You may be wrong about this person once the freshness of the "new relationship glow" wears off.
Trust is earned and there is nothing wrong with wanting and expecting a person to earn that trust through the respecting of boundaries.
Drama in Dating Life
Testing a love interest is an unfortunate aspect of the dating ritual, however it becomes unproductive and destructive when the testing turns to the creation of situations where a person can fail in an normal situation by adding emotional turmoil to completely burden the prospective partner.
Drama queens — male or female — are fun on screen, but not in real life. This type of drama is a horrendous waste of time and may very well cause the target of this testing to not only question your sanity, but your honesty and ability to maturely handle a relationship.
Successful Christian Relationships
Without question a successful relationship is based on honesty and that includes letting them see you for who you are. A loving and forgiving Christian individual should not condemn you, but love you, despite your faults. That is not to say that they are obligated to have a romantic relationship with you, as you simply may not be a good match for one another. However, if the understanding and respect is there, then at the very least, if things do not work out; the relationship can transition out of the romantic and into a healthy and respectful friendship.
