Breaking Up With Your Pal
Will Ending a Friendship Make You a Better Partner?
What if one of your pals is actually a detriment to your relationship?
Most friends in a single’s life are a positive influence. More than that, dating someone that gets along with your friends always seems to make things just a little bit easier. But what if your friend is a problem for your relationship? What should you do? Here are a few suggestions to help you out.
Take Stock in the Situation
Spend a moment reflecting on the problem so you know how to address it later with your friend. Figure out exactly what it is your friend is doing that is harmful to your relationship. For example:
- Does your friend make snide remarks to your partner?
- Do they go on at length about past relationships in order to cut your mate out of the conversation?
- Do they call or stop in at inappropriate times?
- Are they rude to you when you talk about your partner and how happy you are?
- Do they become angry with you when you want to spend time with your partner?
Talk to Your Friend
Address the issue with your friend calmly. Tell them that the relationship with your partner is important to you, and you just want your friend to be happy. Point out the specific things they’ve done to offend you and your partner, and ask them to change their behavior. Tell them their support is an important part of their friendship. Sometimes friends act in a jealous manner when their friend meets someone great because they don’t have a love interest in their own life. Your friend might not even realize how poorly they’ve behaved.
Remind Your Friend About Priorities
If, after discussing the situation with your friend, they choose to behave in exactly the same way, address it with them again. This time, make your disappointment clear to them. Tell them you hoped they would be happy for you, as you would be for them if the situation were reversed. Since you’ve already pointed out their behavior, make it clear that if they can’t accept your partner they aren’t going to be in your life. If they try telling you that they don’t like your partner, tell them you appreciate their concern but the problem lies with them and not your partner. Remind them what their friendship means to you, and that it would disappoint you greatly if you had to take a step back from them.
If Necessary, Spend Some Time Away
Sometimes it takes people a while to understand that their friend’s life may have changed. If this happens, take a step back from them while they sort out their reaction to your partnership. If your pal has an issue with the nature of your friendship changing, remind them that as people grow up their life does as well. Tell them you hope very much to get back to their friendship, but while they are being unsupportive, you must spend some time apart.
Ultimatum
Anyone who is a true friend will have a big wake up call if you decide not to spend time with them. They’ll understand how important your relationship is to you, and will work to make amends for the things they’ve done or said that have hurt you. A true friend will be happy that you are happy, and will admit their actions and apologize. If they don’t, perhaps they were not really your friend to begin with.
